The First Halloween

This Halloween was baby's last "first" holiday. I used to love all holidays as a child, and it is so much fun to be able to revisit them again with her. I am looking forward to when she'll be into decorating the house, baking cookies and hosting little parties with her friends. My mom used to do all these things with me and I'm looking forward to passing this on to my daughter.

As I sit here drinking the Coke I swear every morning I'm not going to have (I don't drink coffee...this is my substitute) I am happy for one thing...she's too little to eat chocolate. Thus, we don't have pounds and pounds of it in the house. Just a few nibbles she did get from visiting neighbors. In the battle between me and the pounds, the pounds are winning. Mostly because I haven't really done anything to change. I so don't want to be the fat mommy. I miss the days when I was thin (but I don't miss the large amounts of work I had to put into making that happen) and had this fantastic wardrobe (now it's all about masking and trying to cover up). I want to instill healthy eating and healthy living into my daughter. I know I need to become that roll model and I know how to do it, it's the desire to do it. I'm tired...which is a vicious circle. I'm tired because I lack energy and I'm hauling this extra weight around, much less have energy to work out or have the time or money ( a gym is out of the question and when would I do this? and now the days are dark early). I know. All excuses. And ones I probably won't take from my daughter when she gives them.

How does one become the roll model they want to be? How do you become the do as I say and do as I do person? This is where I struggle. I think I have the best of intentions, but intentions don't get you anywhere.